I Rewrote This Story It Has No Coffee In Now
by skissors
Summary: Tragedy because this story is sad. Sci-Fi too for all you people who don't know what Stargate is. Well, I never thought drinking tomato flavoured milkshake is safe... but I didn't think it was this dangerous either! Don't eat money peoples!


SG1 have just arrived from another planet full of strange looking flowers and monkeys that fly.  
  
"Oh, that planet stunk REALLY bad"  
  
"Indeed it did, O'Neil"  
  
"Let's go get some lunch"  
  
"Indeed we shall, Carter"  
  
so the team head for the lunchroom.  
Sam, extremely hungry, as usual, runs straight to her usual table right next to the frindge, grabs the food bowl and starts eating madly.  
  
"These grapes are great"  
  
"Sweet"  
  
"Tomato flavoured milkshake!"  
  
"The revolting flavours of milk they makew these days... Daniel Jackson, that is disgusting"  
  
"No it isn't" (Licks the last drop out of the bottom of the jug)  
  
"Dr Jackson I believe you are addicted to this foul tasting drink"  
(Mumbles under his breath "Woman")  
  
"Yeah he is"  
  
"Perhaps he should take a visit to Doctor Fraiser"  
  
"Again"  
  
"That's not a good idea, Janet's still recovering from last time Daniel went for a check up"  
  
"Carter is right, we cannot place both Fraiser and Jackson in the same room, it is too risky"  
  
They all think while Daniel drinks tomato flavoured milkshake.  
This is not just an addiction, this is an obsession. All this artificial colour and flavouring cannot be healthy.  
  
"TOMATO MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILKSHAKE!"  
  
So full of artificial colours and flavours he's overflowing, Daniel grabs a gun and starts firing at everyone. He's acting pretty drunk; he can't aim anyway so he hits nobody except himself, after kissing Carter  
  
"Cleaner, come to the lunchroom immediately"  
  
The cleaners come and drag Daniel off, drive him out of the base and dump him in some poor innocent citizen's backyard, making sure to leave no fingerprints.  
  
"The tests results have just come in. It seems that he was a very depressed and unstable man, probably due to the tomato milkshake addiction. If we had only found this out earlier we could have ditched him on another planet and saved our inflatable bathtub from being punctured..... Oh, I will miss those days of making sandcastles out of breadcrumbs in our bathtub..."  
  
Previously ignorant of the fact that the bathtub was shot, Carter screams out  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! My precious breadcrumbs, you are my life!"  
  
And runs to her room where she cries until her face is red, swollen and wrinkly, but being a woman she has control of herself and refrains from grabbing the hairbrush on the table beside her and obsessively brushing her hair.  
  
Meanwhile Jack is not taking the news so well, as having no pool means the ladies will be lingering around the lunchroom therefore stopping him from taking their diaries out of the freezer and reading them.  
  
Then he sees a block of chocolate on the bench and gets distracted.  
  
"Sweet- chocolate!"  
  
Severely depressed he shoves the whole thing down his throat all at once only to choke and die.  
  
Teal'c and General Hammond simultaneously walk into Jack's room.  
  
"He's dead"  
  
"Indeed"  
  
General Hammond have a heart attack, Teal'c is shocked to see people are dead...... strangely.......  
  
Since He's a Jaffa though, he felt no pain when some random came along and ate him, jaffas are made of chocolate, and chocolates don't have nerves.  
  
"How did this happen? We'd better get the cleaner in here before these bodies start to smell unbearable, Teal'c already has really bad B.O."  
  
Janet, totally calm acting as if she sees freshly dead people every day, calls the cleaner then gets back to the infirmary.  
  
Sam, red-faced, walks out of her room  
  
"W-w-will y-y-y-you b-buy me a-a a new b-b-b-athtub?"  
  
"sure, and we'll make breadcrumb sandcastles all day and night and never ever turn off the light"  
  
"sounds good, what about lunch?"  
  
"yeah we'll eat sushi and hot chips and cauliflower stalks for lunch"  
  
"great! I'm glad Jack's gone, I think he's been reading out diaries"  
  
"No, I moved our diaries, he's been reading Daniel's"  
  
"So that explains Jack whispering to SG2 that I like to play with my dolls before going to bed"  
  
"yup"  
  
"let's go get some lunch"  
  
Sam and Janet walk off, happy that their life savings (a total of $43.95) can be spent on something worthwhile that will bring them hours of joy.

Author's note: The thing that brought them hours of joy is an inflatable bathtub. They weren't intending on doing ANYTHING explicit in that bathtub, okay? You people with sick minds. shakes head  
  
Author's sister's note: hahahaha SLASH!!!!!! hahahaha


End file.
